When We Feel Abandoned by God
If I think about my darkest, hardest moments in life, I recall begging god to be there, to heal me, fix me, take away the suffering! An entire night of begging and crying out to anything and everything there is to help me. Eventually to feel abandoned or forsaken by god. Only to find that once I reached full surrender to the experience, even the pain and so-called suffering, ONLY THEN was I able to move through to the other side. Because I gave up my “self” and gave in to what was. Only then, on the other side, was I able to see that that was God’s answer all along—and through that dark night was I able to transcend the suffering and transform. God was there all along, even when I felt abandoned.
It reminds me of a story, one that gets glossed over with a little too much magic and a little too much religion sometimes.
The night before Jesus was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before his walk to crucifixion, he already knew what was coming. Jesus laid on a rock, praying, ALL NIGHT, begging god to take away what it was he saw coming. “Please take this away from me!” He was completely broken. He was afraid, even though he KNEW what had to happen. Knowing his fate and destiny, but being terrified. Begging god to take it away, to provide him with another outcome.
He begged. He cried. All night. He felt forsaken and abandoned by god. He felt anguish. Dread. Terror, perhaps. Ultimate sadness and grief.
But then. He surrendered. In full grace. To what must happen, and in so doing was able to transform and transcend. The suffering didn’t go away—but grace carried him through to the other side. You know the story from there. “Not my will, but yours be done.” That is ultimate surrender to the universe.
Sometimes we are pushed to the point that the only thing left is a miracle.
Sometimes the very miracle we NEED takes us through literal hell and back. So if you’re ever feeling abandoned by god, or like you’re being given too much, find the place to surrender (it may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done). We may not always know the answers but you can rest knowing that you’re going to make it through to the other side.